When I was in high school, one of my best friends had been in a long-term relationship for more than two years. Believe me, in high school that is, like, forever.
They went everywhere together. You never saw one without the other. It was like they were glued at the hip. We all thought, as soon as graduation is over, they will get married. It will soooo happen. Greg and Tammy forever.
And then, they broke up.
It was a huge shock. It felt wrong to see them not together anymore. They both had the same friends, so it was awkward because they would avoid each other. It rocked not only their world, but our world as well. If Greg and Tammy can’t work out, then where is hope for the rest of us?
Then something even more weird started to happen–Greg started dating again. Within just a week or two, he seemed totally fine letting go of a long-term relationship in which he had invested so much time and energy, and then starting over with someone new.
Tammy, on the other hand, took it harder. She hadn’t wanted to break things off, and she couldn’t understand why Greg was ok with it. Things had been going great for so long. What did she lack that he wanted? It was hard for her to watch Greg move on so easily without her. It took several months before Tammy even considered dating again.
It begs the question–why do some people get over it quicker? In this case, I’m guessing Greg had already been “over” the relationship before he broke things off. He had been used to the idea of not being with her even before it happened, so he was mentally and emotionally prepared for it. To Tammy, however, it came as a surprise. She was not ready to say goodbye.
But there are other factors, too, such as what you are looking for in a relationship, how happy you are in your current relationship, if you have met someone you think would be better, and on and on.
If you have been through a break up recently, how do you know if you are ready to date again? Here are 5 questions to ask yourself:
- How many times per day do you think about your ex? It’s probably normal for his or her name to pop into your head a few times a day, especially if there are things or people around that remind you of your ex. But if you are thinking about your ex 10+ times a day, you aren’t quite ready to move on. Give it some time.
- Do you keep analyzing the relationship and breakup? It’s normal to try to figure out what went wrong for the days and weeks following, but if it’s been more than a month and it’s still plaguing your mind, wait to date for now.
- Are you going out with friends yet? Sometimes after a breakup, it’s hard to just go out, even with a group of friends. If that is the case, then you aren’t ready to date again.
- Do other potential dating candidates interest you? Typically when you’re ready to date again, you’ll start spotting other men or women as attractive again. If that’s not the case for you yet, then dating is a no-go.
- What do you think of yourself? After a break up, many people’s self confidence plummets. After some time and healing, they are able to build that up and feel good about themselves again. If you’re still feeling vulnerable or undeserving, spend time working on yourself before looking for dates.
Just remember that it takes some people longer to get over break ups than others. Allow yourself time to heal and get back into the grove of your life. When you are ready to date again, you’ll know it.
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