In the movie Roxanne, the character played by Steve Martin tries to help his good looking guy friend win the heart of the lovely woman character—who is played Daryl Hannah. That’s because Steve’s friend doesn’t know what to say to get the girl. Steve, on the other hand, has a large nose and is self conscious about it.
The movie, which is based on the play “Cyrano de Bergerac” shows what it really takes to win Roxanne’s heart. In the end, while the good looking friend was noticed at first, his bad conversation turned off the girl. It was the guy with the killer conversation and letters who ultimately won her over.
Remember this the next time you’re on a date. Sure, being good looking is an advantage, but only at first. For a relationship to really get anywhere, you need to talk. You need to connect. You need to show your personality, and you need to show you care about the other person’s as well. The comes with great conversation on your dates together.
Here are some conversation tips for real world dates that will help.
- Use the other person’s name. For instance, instead of just saying, “Hello,” say, “Hello, Diane.” People love to hear their own names. Just use it here and there; if you use it too often you’ll seem a little creepy.
- Stay in the safe zone. Talk about things that aren’t touchy (never bring up old relationships, politics, religion, personal issues). When you are just getting to know someone, keep things light and fun and no pressure.
- Notice your date’s conversation style. Some people enjoy quick back-and-forth talking, and others are more apt to allow for each person to take longer turns talking. Others may even just keep talking until interrupted. It really depends on the person. So pay attention to when he or she pipes in and you’ll figure it out soon enough.
- Ask lots of questions. You are trying to get to know your date, right? And trying to help your date feel comfortable? Then ask questions! Keep your question general but thoughtful. You want to get to know your date as a person, so ask about what they do for fun, their dream job, their favorite books and movies, favorite restaurants and food. But don’t be so set on asking certain questions in succession; just ask a few and see where the conversation flows to naturally.
- Compliment your date. Perhaps your date is talking about how much she loves to volunteer at the animal shelter; here is a great opportunity to compliment her on how giving she is. Or perhaps your date has opened a few doors for you or he did something extra nice; make sure to tell him, “You are so thoughtful.” A little compliment goes a long way.
- Be funny! Silly observations, referring to an earlier conversation, telling a funny story, poking fun at yourself, adding a little sarcasm… these are all ways to bring some funny into your conversation. Let’s face it—life is short, and dates are even shorter! They should be fun. So keep your dates light by noticing and commenting on funny things around you. See what gets you a laugh from your date. Soon you’ll figure out what your date laughs at most. Just make sure not to ever belittle others.
- Be appropriate. Different people interpret this differently, so pay attention and play off your date. If your date never swears, then be respectful and keep your language as clean as your date’s. The same goes for any type of possibly offensive language. It’s a safe bet to stay with a PG rating, unless you’ve been out a few times and you know the other person would be ok with PG-13. A few badly placed words can really turn off the other person.
- Always leave your date knowing how you feel. You don’t have to get mushy, but if you really enjoyed spending time with your date, let your date know. It’ll make him or her feel special, and that’s definitely a conversation worth remembering.