I remember it like it was yesterday. Standing in the middle school gym, the lights were turned down low. A Boyz II Men song was starting to sound from the huge speaker.
I had spent forever getting ready, and I was wearing my best dress. Maybe a little bit of my mom’s perfume. I know my girl friends had done the same thing. And yet, we were all just standing around. Do you remember this scene, too?
The boys were lined up on one side and the girls were lined up on the other. No one was doing anything.
Unfortunately, this is a typical middle school dance. The girls are huddled together, hoping, praying that the guys will ask them to dance. The guys are hoping, praying that they will work up the nerve to ask the girls. Most of the time, the center of the room is empty.
After too many dances like this–not getting asked to dance–I took matters into my own hands. Nervously, I walked up to whatever guy I wanted to dance with, and I asked him. Nearly every single time, he said yes.
I repeated this many times over the course of many dances I attended over the years. And you know what? I met lots of new guys, got less nervous about talking to them, and I had way more fun!
Something else interesting happened, too. Since I was separated from the group of girls, it was easier for guys to approach me. So I actually got asked MORE because I was out asking.
I took this method and continued it into the dating world. If there was a guy I wanted to go out with, I asked him out. Why not? It definitely beat waiting for the guy to ask me out. Sure, there were sometimes where the guy was “busy” so I just moved on.
In the process I met more guys, went on more dates, and had way more fun!
So it begs the question, why do so many women wait for guys to make the first move? It’s been a cultural norm for a long time, but why? And in these modern times, does that even apply anymore?
Girls, there are plenty of good reasons to make the first move. Here are just a few:
You don’t have to wait to be asked.
You build confidence.
You get more dates.
You get lots of practice.
You get to know lots more guys.
You are more likely to develop a relationship.
You get to pick who you go out with.
You get to write your own story.
Sure, there will be times where guys will say no. That’s probably the biggest reason women don’t take the lead and ask guys out. But if that is the worst that can happen, is that really so bad? Just expect that it can happen, but more of often then not, the guy will say yes. Because he’ll be so pleased he didn’t have to work up the nerve to cross the gym floor and ask you, he’ll be flattered to go out with you.