When the date was finally over, I smiled and went into my apartment. I sat down and let out a sigh of relief. Then I told my roommate every detail. Every horrible, funny, crazy true detail.
I had just had a bad first date.
It wasn’t that the guy repelled me. We were actually pretty good friends, and he seemed normal enough. It was just that he didn’t know how to treat a lady. He didn’t know at all. Let me tell you how it went down.
He arrived very late, he didn’t open any doors for me the whole night, he snored loudly during the movie, he called another girl while he was driving me home, and then he stopped his car in the middle of my street and basically pushed me out the door and left me on the curb.
Pretty bad, right?
Amazingly, it didn’t end there. About a month later, a friend urged me over and over to take this “bad first date” guy under my wing. To teach him how to treat ladies. You see, he was a good guy. He just really needed some pointers. And some practice.
The opportunity presented itself. We had a chat about our “bad first date.” He was totally ok with me correcting his dating technique. I told him what he had done wrong, and what he could do better. After that, we practiced going on a date and he got it right. As it turned out, one bad date was the only bad date we ever had. And believe me, we had a lot of good dates after that.
I’m not saying all bad first dates deserve a second chance; I’m saying that bad first dates aren’t the end of the world. If you’re down in the dumps about a bad first date, here are some tips to get over it.
- Laugh about it. Go ahead, tell your roommate, sister, mom, boss…. And have a good laugh. Pretty soon I’ll bet the other person will chime in with his or her own “bad first date” story. Having a bad first date must be some sort of rite of passage, because we’ve all had them. Just add it to your pile, because you’re sure to collect another bad first date experience or two.
- Give the other person a free pass. Maybe he had a bad day, just got bad news, gets nervous around girls, is getting over a breakup, or any number of personal things going on behind the scenes. Realize that maybe this person is a good person, but right now just isn’t the best time. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
- Don’t beat yourself up. If you think the date went badly because of you, just let it go. It might be hard to do, because he was really cute, or you really thought he was the one. That is just too much pressure to put on yourself. You only had a tiny window of opportunity. Please, don’t beat yourself up. If he is the one for you, then the opportunity to go on a second date may present itself in the future. So don’t spend your time wallowing; working on being the best you possible. Who knows? Maybe your next first date will be more suited to you.
- Realize maybe you two aren’t compatible. It happens. Not everyone will get along with everyone. Just move on and spend your time getting to know more people. But don’t forget to learn a little something from the experience. What are you really looking for in a relationship? What is a deal breaker to you?
- Be honest with your date. Remember my bad first date? I told the guy it was bad, and he agreed. He told me he had been nervous and also distracted. We had a good laugh about it, which changed my perception of him. Then, after sharing some honest advice about how he could be a better date, he changed how he treated me on dates. I think most people WANT to be a good date, but maybe some just need to be shown the way.
Who knows? Maybe you could end up being your own Matchmaker, and getting a second date in the process.