They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So it seems logical to say that dating is insane.
Many people would definitely agree.
It seems like a lot of my friends who use online dating over the years aren’t getting what they want out of dating. And so they have become jaded. If the point of dating is to find love, but you aren’t finding love, then what’s the point?
So many people want to just quit altogether. Not that I blame them. They’re chatting with potential dates online, then they meet up for coffee or dinner to see if what they see in person is like what they saw online. Sometimes, that isn’t the case. Or something just feels off. Over and over again, relationships just don’t pan out.
All that time and energy seems like it’s just wasted.
One friend of mine is very open minded and tries to give people the benefit of the doubt. She goes on lots of dates, only to end up being disappointed over and over again.
She did meet a guy she fell head over heels with. They dated for seven months. It seemed they had really hit it off. But as time when on, it became apparent that this guy couldn’t get over past hurts. My friend wanted a long-term relationship with him, but he kept pushing her away.
Eventually it hurt too much to be in that kind of a relationship, so my friend got out. It’s been several months, and it’s still hard. So now not only does the guy have trouble getting over past hurts, not my friend has a past hurt of her own.
Finding love is not for the faint of heart. It seems like it takes much longer and is much harder than anyone ever anticipates. If you have bad dating experiences in your past, you might wondering if it’s even worth dating at all.
Don’t give up just yet.
Think about it for a minute. You know plenty of people who are in love, right? And you know plenty of people who have had bad dating experiences, right? You’re not that different from them! You’re just in a different place right now. So take heart and don’t give up.
In order to not become jaded, it’s important to let go of bad dating experiences. Here are some tips on how to do that:
- Write out your experiences and then light it on fire. The act of writing is very therapeutic. It helps put your emotions into words in a very safe place. Once you’ve written out all your bad dating experiences, it came be out of you. Then as you light it on fire you are basically saying that you are done with them. Watch as they disappear. You’ll feel way better.
- Get rid of things that remind you of old flames. If you have an ex you can’t seem to forget, it’s important to deal with those emotions and also to rid your space of things that remind you of them. You don’t need pictures or mementos anymore. Maybe you like that blanket she made for you, and it’s a nice blanket, but it’s continually reminding you of her. Let it go. Donate it or throw it away. You’ll feel much lighter.
- Join a group or take a class. You need a confidence boost right now, and you need to meet new people. So join a group of people with similar interests to yours, or take a class you’ve always wanted to take. It’ll get you out of the house and keep you from stewing, and you’ll feel like you’re part of a community rather than alone.
- Laugh about your experiences with another single friend. No doubt there are others out there who also need to vent about past dating woes. Why not get together and make a night of it? Swap stories and have a good laugh. You’ll feel loads better.