That cute girl said yes! You’re in.
Well, you have a first date at least. Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched. It’s just a date. But it could lead to something more.
Hold on. Just try to focus on this one date for now, ok?
You need to plan this date. You have a million places you could go eat, so many fun things you could go do together. But you can’t think. Because those things seem secondary to what is really on your mind. For you, my friend, are worried. Your biggest fear is this: you’re going to royally mess up this date.
It’s a pretty legitimate concern. I mean, you’re still single, right? So apparently you haven’t mastered this relationship thing. And that’s where your mind is just getting started. It only spirals from there.
There are a million terrible things you can tell yourself that will only make you feel more nervous and like you can’t do anything right on this date that will allow this girl to continue to talk to you, let alone agree to go on a second date. You begin to think that maybe you should just cancel this date to save everyone a lot of time.
At some point you may feel like you should just stay single forever. Why go to all the trouble of dating at all?
Oh you poor soul. Buck up and take a chill pill. You just need to relax. Take this first date one step at a time!
Here are some tips on how to get over your nerves and just be yourself in that first date:
- Tell yourself it’s “just a date.” It’s not an interview, or a preview to a possible relationship, or screening to see if you are marriage material. It’s just a date. Just two people going out and having a good time together. Take the pressure off the date to actually have to be something more than it is. If you approach it that way, it’s easier for you to relax and just be open and honest about who you are.
- Have a back-up plan. If this date doesn’t work out, no worries–you have a thing with your buddies later. Offset the pressure of having to have an awesome date because it’s the only thing you’ve got going for you by planning something for later. (Of course, be sure this other thing is flexible in case the date goes well.) When your social calendar is a little more full, you aren’t so scared of failure because you have something else in the wings. You can relax and be a little more carefree on your date.
- Treat her like a friend. So many times we treat put our dates on pedestals, which makes them completely unapproachable. Think of your date like a blossoming friendship. Go into this date just wanting to learn more about them. Ask lots of questions. Joke around.
- Have zero expectations. Don’t expect the date to go well or horribly. Expect… nothing. In fact, try not to think about it until you are actually on the date (just remember to show up!). The less you think about it, the less chance you have to formulate unrealistic expectations that will just end up disappointing you.
- Be YOU. Who are you really? Ask your friends to describe you. Are you funny, nerdy, smart, sassy? Now go out and own it. Be it. Everyday and especially on dates. Don’t worry about what your date will think. Why should they dictate who you are? Be YOU. Chances are, you’ll attract more attention and win more second dates with your confidence and honesty.